It can be so mysterious. Out of the blue, we have an awakening - we see something in a whole new light. How could we have possibly missed what was hidden in plain sight all along?
We call these moments “break-throughs”.
A little light gets through the cracks of strongly held beliefs and in a single moment, we are stopped in our tracks by a mind-blowing revelation. We can see so clearly now.
These wake up calls shake up our lives in meaningful ways. It’s as if we realize that we have been getting in our own way, making things so much harder than they have to be - and there is a much better path to take. It may even feel like the path of least resistance because it is so freeing.
When we have a break-through, we literally are breaking free of our self-imposed limitations.
What if we could shift an old paradigm so that we didn’t need a startling wake up call to put us on the right track? What if we could actually be more malleable and work with life in an abundant, creative way?
Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman offers just the antidote we need: Replace judgment with curiosity.
He tells us that when we stop holding strong judgments so tightly, we release their power.
To help you feel this in a very tangible way - close your fist as tight as you can. Imagine that a strongly held opinion or belief is tucked in the palm of your hand as you use all your strength to squeeze it shut. No light is getting in. Stare at your fist — do you see any way that some light can find its way in there?
This is a visceral example of how judgmental perspective gets in our way. It blocks the light. It keeps us balled up, tensed up and hard to pry open. It takes a wake up call for us to stop clenching and reach out to address the alarm bell.
Now try this — slowly unclench that tight fist. Let your fingers relax and your palm open to where it becomes nearly flat. Flex and wiggle your fingers. Releasing all that tension feels good, doesn’t it?
For a moment, just imagine all the things you can do with a relaxed hand, fully extended with lots of wiggle room. Contrast that to the tight fist and how limited your would be to use your hand in that restricted condition.
You have all that you need in the palm of your hand - to substitute judgment for curiosity. A visceral, mental image that is an accessible little alarm clock for daily wake up calls.
In his book Rise Above, Scott Barry Kaufman, points out that judgment and avoidance are the two stumbling blocks that make life harder than it has to be. When we stay stuck in judgment and we avoid discomfort (especially emotional unease), we grow more tightly attached to both. We walk through life so tight and tense that it is nearly impossible to be nimble.
People who are both emotionally and psychologically flexible, move through life with greater ease. They’ve released the tension by tapping into curiosity (instead of rigid judgment) and they are practiced at observing their emotions, rather than getting entangled in them. They simply have more freedom to play, to explore, to test out a hypothesis and to not be attached to an outcome.
Big difference!
How do you want to move through your life?
Do you want to be nimble, flexible and open-minded? Imagine the confidence you would have to pick your way through an obstacle course with curiosity, discovering a path that felt like playing a rousing game of leap frog! Imagine your body feeling strong, adaptable and resilient. You’d bounce back fast when you slip, you’d catch your balance with ease. You’d keep your eyes on the horizon and make your way forward toward your goal.
Don’t wait for life to sound an alarm to get the wake up calls you need. Make small breakthroughs every single day.
Trade all that judgment for curiosity.
Stop avoiding your feelings or letting them define you. Observe them, take notes from the data they give you. Then choose emotions that better match the situation at hand. Ask yourself — how do I want to be feeling right now?
Arthur C. Brooks, author of Build the Life You Want, tells us that we can substitute emotions just like we swap ingredients when we are cooking. Playing the match game with our emotions is how we build more resilience and flexibility. We simply align our emotions with our goals. This takes practice and the effort is truly worth it.
Today can be the day that you pivot from getting in your own way to “making your way with confidence, curiosity and flexibility”.